Secrets

One of the most difficult parts of sexual betrayal is having to carry secrets that were never yours to carry.

To all the betrayed women who have had to experience this, I am so sorry.

I felt angry about having to keep things to myself. It felt so unfair. I felt alone. Misunderstood. I hated that I didn’t feel free to talk about it and no one really knew what I was going through.

If this resonates with you, I want to help you process the intense emotion you are likely experiencing. Why does it make you so angry? Why does it hurt so deeply and why can’t he understand how this hurts you?

Keep in mind that his acting out has likely been going on for a while. He has learned how to hide things. He can go to work, church, be around the kids and act as if everything is okay. Wearing a mask, not being transparent or truthful has become normal to him. His brain functions in a way that allows him to compartmentalize and when your husband is out in public he can shut out the secret parts of his life.

But you…..are most likely not used to hiding things from others or pretending. You don’t know how to function this way! You now have to go about your life carrying his secret and pretending that everything is okay when you feel like your life is falling apart.

That is a heavy weight to carry. It’s extremely painful and it is unfair. Your feelings are valid.

I encourage you to find safe people you can talk with and share what you are going through. My hope would be that you could talk about this with your spouse, however, he may not be at a place where he is able to empathize with you right now. He may not even know how or it may be too difficult for him to see your pain, adding more shame to what he already feels. With some help, if he is willing, you can learn to navigate through this together.

For now, it is important that you take care of you and reach out to talk with someone. Don’t go through this alone.

Be good to yourself. You are worth it!

Jeremiah 23:24

“Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? Declares the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth?”

(He may not be at a place where he is able to empathize with you right now)

~Empathy is a crucial part of couples recovery!~